It’s been a long time since I have posted on here. I guess life has just happened…….a lot. It feels as though the hours literally evaporate before me yet somehow the days drag on. Does that even make sense? Matt has been deployed for 15 days so far and it feels like its been 15 weeks. The boys are coping so well, as well as boys of their age can. They miss their daddy. So do I.
I find that people keep telling me things like “I don’t know how you do so much”, “you are like supermom”, and “where do you find all your energy”. The truth is….I have no clue what these people are really seeing in me! I will never be supermom. I want to be…but I can’t make it there. I constantly feel like I am not measuring up, never good enough. My days are full of “mommy fails”. You know what I’m talking about right?
Johnathan wants to play matching cards with me. I’m busy in the answering an email. He gets upset and yells at me. I yell back at him for yelling. Great. Now I’ve lowered myself to a 4 year old’s standards.
Ian wants to help me in the kitchen. I tell him no. I’m too busy and I want to get dinner fixed. He leaves and returns sadly to play by himself.
Jacob is crying in the high chair. I’ve had him in there for too long and he wants his Mama. I’m busy folding laundry and so I leave him just a bit longer.
Matt gets home from work and wants some quality time with his wife. I’m tired. I don’t feel like talking. I’m worn to a frazzle and just want a cup of coffee and chocolate. Matt works on his computer and falls asleep on the couch watching Ultimate Fighter reruns.
I am so weak. I’m tired. My children don’t sleep well. They are sick all the time.I hear stories of other super “pinterest ” moms – moms who get up early in the morning and do all their work – who have a home cooked dinner on the table at 6 every night. Mom’s who don’t feed their kids pizza and chicken nuggets. (seriously, Johnathan would eat chicken nuggets 3 meals a day if allowed).
I am so weak. I just want to get up early and have some quiet time with God. I want to watch the sun rise. I want to take a hot shower with no one yelling at me. I want to exercise more and do yoga each morning. But instead, the minute my feet hit the floor, one or all of my children are up with me.
Tonight driving home from bible study one of my favorite songs came on the radio, You’re Grace is Enough. It reminded me of the movie Ladies Night Out that a few of us went to see a while back. God is trying to tell me something…He’s trying to tell me that He (the creator of the universe) made me. And He made me to be the mother of Johnathan, Ian and Jacob, and the wife of Matt. He did not make a mistake. And because of HIS grace, I am enough. Just me….
“But he said to me [JEN], “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
I don’t need to be supermom. I don’t WANT to be supermom. I want my children to see me messy. I want them to see me mess up and to hear me apologize to them and ask for forgiveness. Won’t that also teach them that they need forgiveness from their Heavenly Father? Yes. When I am my weakest, that is my opportunity to show my children how God is made strong in me through that weakness. It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to loose your cool. His grace is enough…..and through that WE ARE ENOUGH.
I don’t want to give up time with my babies so that I can answer emails. I don’t want to tell Johnathan that I can’t play matching cards with him because I’m reading a new article about housing laws. He’s precious. My time with him is precious…my time holding Jacob is but a breath in my life. Those moments should not be missed because I’m afraid someone will see the house a mess.
“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. “Proverbs 127:3-4
As I start to extend grace to myself, let me also extend grace to you. We don’t have to be perfect – we just have to be Mommy. And that is enough!
Yes, I might not get extensive quiet time with God each day, but instead I can have devotions WITH my children and teach them about the love of God – all the while learning myself.
Yes, I can blog…when it’s convenient. Sometimes I might not get around to my computer work. That’s okay. Some days I might not get anything done except feed my family and change poopy diapers.
One day I won’t remember the dust that didn’t get cleaned up or the pile of clutter on the counter – but I will remember making my son giggle for the first time. I will remember Ian standing on the step stool mixing up cupcakes with me.
Sometimes I might not get to take a shower…and sometimes I might forget that I didn’t brush my teeth today – or the day before. Uhhh, oops did I just say that outloud? Who cares? As long as I’m not stinkin’ up the house, I should be good to go, right???
God shows me grace. He loves me. I must also learn to show myself the same grace. And I must also show that grace to my children. After all – that’s my job.
Who wants to be supermom anyway?
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31: 27-30